Friends For Never

This is going to be a bit of a rant but a perfectly legitimate one on a day where I believe it's extremely essential to know who your true friends are. Yes, I am speaking about Friendship Day and No, I am not against Friendship. I have great friends whom I admire and respect a lot. I cannot emphasize how much their presence has enriched my life and enlightened my soul. But for every great friend I had, I also had a plethora of 'So Called Friends' who were a scourge on my heart. Their chauvinism exasperated me, shallowness disappointed me and depravity numbed me. Today's blog is dedicated to dishonoring these friends for never. No, don't worry I won’t spoil my blog by taking names. I am just classifying these ‘So Called Friends’ into broad categories for the benefit of humanity.

With friends like these who needs enemies

Entitlers: We start with the worst category of friends first. The 'Entitlers' get their name from the fact that they feel entitled towards everything in life. They feel entitled to receive your friendship, entitled to receive your help, entitled to receive your attention, honesty and dedication but do not feel entitled to reciprocate anything. You can literally cut your heart out but still fail to melt them because nothing impresses an 'Entitler'. 'Entitlers' are naturally terrible friends but become even worse once they get into relationships because their boyfriend/girlfriend will become a constant meddling presence in your friendship. Being in a relationship also vindicates an 'Entitler's' stupid feeling of superiority and their friendship with you sinks faster than Titanic.

Symptoms: Superiority complex which is totally evident in words and actions. Unnecessary advice which first confuses and later irritates you. Cancelling out of meetings, appointments and outings with zero notice. Unresponsive to calls or messages. Typically, forgetful of all the important days in your life but expect you to remember every god forsaken moment in their life.

Cure: Drop them like a bad habit before they realize it. Wipe them of your contact and friend lists. Confine their memories to Trash Cans and Recycle Bins. 'Entitlers' only learn when their false feeling of superiority takes a beating. Even if they attempt to reconcile, ignore them. Remember once an 'Entitler' always an 'Entitler'. 

Complimenters: 'Complimenters' earn their name from the fact that they base their entire friendship on making others feel good through their compliments. 'Complimenters' are more interested in covering up their inadequacies and hanging onto their friendship by bloating your ego than sharing your problems. Consequently any conversation with a 'Complimenter' would essentially consist of they telling you as to how much they missed you or thought about you when they hardly bothered to remember you all this while.

Symptoms: Complimenting excessively without any reason. Overconfidence in their ability to make up for lost time through their compliments. Experts at diverting conversations through compliments. 

Cure: Do onto a 'Complimenter' what a 'Complimenter' does to you. Take their compliments and forget the fact they even exist.

Circumstancers: Depending on their circumstances 'Circumstancers' make your life either a heavenly abode or a living hell. Because of their seesaw nature, they cause the most pain of all the 'So Called Friends' and are probably even worse than the 'Entitlers' when they turn their back on you. The problem with 'Circumstancers' is that they have no character of their own and allow circumstances to dictate their character. When everything's going well in their life they hardly look at you but when things go south they cling onto you by showering boundless love and affection as though they've always admired you. In short 'Circumstancers' treat you like a substitute for their friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/life partner and when things pick up on the personal front you are summarily dismissed.

Symptoms: Present when things bottom out for them but absent when things are going well. Unexplained absences and sudden appearances.  No connection between words and actions. Hidden agendas and extraordinarily complex/convoluted/crappy personal lives. Definition of who they are, what they are and what they care about changes with the circumstance. Value system is practically non-existent. Habitual liars who self-hypnotize themselves to believe they are actually speaking the truth. 

Cure: Prevention is better than cure when it comes to 'Circumstancers'. Next time someone starts showing sudden interest and heaping love and affection onto you don't get carried away. Remember you are neither an icon nor a hero, you are just their next victim and a filler in their life. If you remember this, no 'Circumstancer' can ever touch you because they neither have the character nor the patience to wait for positive relationships to take shape. If they have already turned your life topsy-turvy learn about what ‘Blocking’ can do for you and block them for life.

Busiers:  One of the most common 'So called friend' types, 'Busiers' are always busy. They are either busy in work, busy in a relationship, busy doing nothing or busy by just being busy. They are relatively harmless because they state that they are busy right upfront but they are also practically useless as friends because they never change their ways. 

Symptoms: 24x7 Unavailability

Cure: Drop them like Entitlers or become busy yourself.

Silencers: 'Silencers' are typical fixtures in large groups of friends. They tend to demonstrate their non-existent emotional depth through their silence and earn sympathy for being sensitive. The fact is real sensitivity is all about how much you care about others and not about how much you make others care about you. It's easy to confide in a 'Silencer' because of their philosophical personality but beware anything you share with a 'Silencer' can and will be used against you.

Symptoms: 'Cat on the Wall' mentality. Like the 'Entitlers' they are all about themselves. While the 'Entitlers' roll around in their superiority, Silencers grab eyeballs by constantly playing the 'Damsel in Distress' routine (they do this better than 'Circumstancers'). Expert manipulators who make you confide in them and also make you believe that you know a lot about them when in reality no one really knows a 'Silencer'.   

Cure: Pay no heed to what a 'Silencer' says or feels and you shall be just fine.

Now after reading all of this you might feel I am dissuading you from making friends. No, I am only asking people to analyse the basis on which their friendships are built. While the origins of any friendship can be purely circumstantial, a friendship can only thrive and survive if its value based. It's great if you are friends with someone who is fun or cool but if there is a deplorable personality beneath the hip veneer ask yourself whether it's even worth it to remain friends. Your friends define who you are, if the people whom you hang out with are unreliable it casts a giant shadow on your image too. Remember you can lose a million dollars and earn it back but reputation once soiled and emotions/feelings once spent never come back. It's all good to use your heart and help everyone in need but it's also necessary to use your intellect and ward off these 'So Called Friends' from leaving you emotionally bankrupt.

Friendship is the most misunderstood yet the most fundamental emotion of all. It's the basis for all relationships. Those who treat it like a meaningless pastime don't deserve the honor of being called a friend. Friendship is an honor and a privilege which needs to be wielded with responsibility, its not an entitlement to be enjoyed for life. Those who take friends and take friendships for granted need to be taught a lesson, Change or be Dropped forever.  This Friendship Day look beyond the external facade and make a positive connection which enhances the quality of your life. If you can’t make a good friend at least get rid of a bad 'So Called Friend'. Trust me your quality of life will improve.

Until Next Time,

Your True Friend,

Chaitanya J.J.