All of us without exception do the following quite consistently.
- We analyze profusely whether required or not and do not let up before it's too late.
- We torture and blame ourselves for a complication even when we are not sure about the root cause
- We hang onto a remnant of the past which inevitably sours the present
I might be able to offer some advice with the help of the following scenarios.
Scenario 1
Ever messaged, called or greeted someone with an intention of opening up a conversation only to run into a situation where the other person just doesn't want to open up. The person you called upon could be someone with whom you had a storied history but they at this very moment are decisively stonewalling your attempts at initiating a conversation with their terse response style. You can do one of two things when this happens:
- If this behavior was caused by an earlier action of yours then apologize and make things right
- If you have no idea what's causing this make due enquiries and give them plenty of space to get back to you
Let's say you have already done one of the above, then there's nothing else for you to do except to get on with your life. Sure, you can try apologizing a few more times or delving into their psyche a bit more but beyond that the analysis has to stop before it leads to heartburn.
Time has a way of healing people and mending relationships. If the person who moved away opens a communication channel once again, try to find out what went wrong and decide whether it's in your best interest to continue the association. If the person never comes back, then they were never meant to be in the first place. In either case putting a full stop to the incessant analysis will allow you to move on and do something constructive with yourself.
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| When analysis is prolonged it does more harm than good <Courtesy: Firmbee> |
Scenario 2
You have attended an all-important interview where the interviewers gave you a mixed reaction. The result confirms your worst fears. Now the best thing to do is:
- Make a list of the things which didn't go well and then work on those shortcomings
- Consolidate your learnings and apply to a similar job so that you can gauge how far you've come from the previous interview
The worst way to handle it would be to not timebox this analysis and allow self-doubt to creep in. Sometimes you require multiple steps to get to a destination. Treat the previous interview as a mere step in your journey, restart your preparation and preferably put the skills you learn to test and upgrade them with real-life lessons.
Scenario 3
You find out that a classmate, colleague or a peer of yours is doing extremely well in their life. The competitor in you wants to find out what went right for them. If your mind analyzes their career, their education and the strategic moves they've made, then you are on the right track. If your mind veers off into all the things that went wrong for you and engages in self-blame then you should cease that sort of a useless analysis immediately.
Life doesn't afford everyone the same growth trajectory. Some start fast and then slow down, some start slow and then pick up pace, some blow hot and cold routinely, while there are some who maintain a steady tempo. If somebody's career is going great guns while you are streamlining your own life, applaud them but don't let their success get to you. Give yourself the reassurance that you will rebound at the right time. Apply confidence, hope and a pinch of the right perspective to throttle all kinds of useless analyses.
In conclusion, use your idle time to rejuvenate yourself. If your mind can't stop thinking then focus on what needs be done next rather than mulling over what happened. There's no greater stress than the one we give ourselves. So, train your mind to heed your directives and cease the useless analysis.
Until Next Time,
Your Life Analyst,
Chaitanya J.J.
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