Are you growing?

The brand new car parked outside the house is shining brightly in the evening sun. The sprawling lawn with a splendorous luster is beckoning you to your stately home. Outside the doorway stands your wife with your kids who are all excited to welcome you after a hard day's work. You have everything that one can ask for, you have love, success and most of all the bragging rights of having achieved your dreams. You are now a model for others to emulate and a paragon of triumph. You seem to have it all (at least in the eyes of the world) but are you growing?

Streamlining the person inside us as we grow (Courtesy: Edward Howell)

Before I proceed any further, I would like to clarify that the intent of this blog is not to prescribe what all constitutes success in life. Success is inherently personal and everyone should apply their own formula for defining it. I for one do not believe that a person's success can be calibrated by financial growth alone. This blog will therefore delve into concepts which will help us keep track of our intellectual, spiritual and behavioral progress as we chase materialistic and financial growth in this world. So without any further ado let's dive deep in.

Concept 1: Have you learnt to forgive and forget?

Anything we achieve materially or professionally means nothing if we cannot reconcile the grievances, the pitfalls and the regrets of the past. The analogy of comparing life to a game is actually very valid. You win some and you lose some (trust me even the most successful people in this world lose a lot, we just don't know it). Evaluation of a loss is necessary but continuously mulling over what happened at the cost of everything that's happening now is counterproductive. We all have friends or relatives who suffer from this malaise because they have ignored the simple fact that the best way to atone for something is by becoming better. Forgive yourself to win another day and forget those who don't care about you. If you still haven't constructively moved on from your past, are you growing?

Concept 2: How equitable is your vision?

Fairness is the hallmark of a wise mind. We all know the adage "Treat others the way you like to be treated". People with an equitable vision imbibe this adage and demonstrate it at every step in their life. They are by no means perfect but they keep working towards becoming more empathetic, impartial and caring with each passing day. But before we even think of  an equitable vision we need to impartially evaluate what fairness means to us. The following questions will help you evaluate your fairness quotient:

• Is your success more important to you than everyone else's?
• You have to learn to think beyond yourself. If your fairness only revolves around what's right for you how can you expect a successful collaboration with others? Extremely successful people prioritize greater good over personal ambition.
• What values of others resonate with you instantly?
• We often run into people whose cliques are totally based on whom they can have fun with. Successful people build cliques too but those cliques are instituted on sound values such as honesty, integrity, loyalty, intellectual aptitude, selflessness etc. Members of such cliques not only constantly learn from each other but also improve themselves through consistent feedback. If your clique only consists of people who can never challenge you or bring something new to the table, are you growing?
• Have you gone out of your way to recognize someone for their efforts?
• It's important to support, nurture and reward productive behavior even if you hardly know the person. Recognizing positive actions not only inspires the originator of the good deed to do more but also sets a positive example for others to emulate. This is the reason why employee centric organizations invest a great deal of thought and effort into their performance recognition processes. If you haven't lent your hand or spent a moment to aid and recognize someone who is giving it their all, are you growing?

Concept 3: How receptive are you to advice?

As kids we are very open-minded. We are patient enough to listen to varied opinions and are also not scared to build relationships with people from diverse backgrounds. This open mind diminishes at an exponential rate as we grow older settling into a comfort zone where we just don't let go our biases despite logic and evidence to the contrary. There are several ways to measure our own receptiveness:

• When was the last time you altered your long standing beliefs in the face of reasonable fact?
• Approachability is the hallmark of successful people. You can only be called approachable provided you listen and then act upon what other people say. Listening is often characterized by not only giving the other person a patient ear but also acknowledging valid points coming from the other person. Your ability to acknowledge someone else's point is incomplete if you can't challenge your own preconceived notions. Similarly, people will not be able to accept as you as a true friend, well-wisher or a leader when they know you will never face up to facts. 
• When was the last time you actively sought advice?
• A lot of people seek advice to validate what they believe is true. Advice taken in such a fashion quickly becomes useless to the recipient. Advice taken but not acted upon also doesn't fare much better. Here's what I have to say to all such people, it's not complicated at all to spot you. It's as easy as pie to identify someone who's just shopping around for an opinion. Seeking an advice is a commitment to check your ego at the door and absorb everything that the other person has to say without filters. Unless you do this, you will always cherry-pick what you think you want to hear and end up stunting your own growth. If you are constantly ignoring sound advice are you growing?

Fact Based Advice (Courtesy: Scott Graham)

Concept 4:  Can you deliver a genuine compliment?

Have you ever experienced someone showering praises on you just because they expected something in return from you? That's exactly how a compliment should not be. A compliment should first off all not wait for an occasion, audience or a setup, it should be bestowed right when the other party deserves it neither before nor later. It should neither be grandiose i.e. we cannot blow-up the level of the contribution nor seem perfunctory. A real compliment will always be factual, specific and relatable. Such a compliment supported with constructive feedback reveals a secure character, one whom people develop instant respect for. A backhanded compliment on the other hand reveals a glory hog, one whom everyone distances away from eventually. If you cannot find it in your heart to respect a fellow human being with a genuine compliment then are you growing? 

Concept 5: Can you apologize without reservations?

Have you ever experienced someone apologizing to you just because they are desperate to get back on good terms with you? That's exactly how an apology should not be. An apology cannot be forced down the throat of any individual, it has to be submitted for consideration to the person who had been offended only after deep thought and analysis were put into what went wrong. Too many people use apologies to make up with superiors while ignoring the ones whom they consider inferior. Such individuals stymie their own growth by burning bridges with the up-and-comers who will never forget what happened to them.

An apology just like a compliment cannot be a self-serving instrument used to elevate yourself at the expense of others. Such apologies never mend fences they only deepen divides. An authentic apology on the other hand delivered by an individual who owns up to what happened establishes the sincerity of person. While the apology might not immediately mend the relationship, it will lay the foundation for reconciliation at a later time. If you cannot bring yourself to apologize for a legitimate folly of yours then are you growing?

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There you go folks, I hope I put forth some solid concepts to ingest and think over. Please share some of the concepts you follow for your own holistic growth. If we cannot question our techniques and review our methods for growth then are we growing?

Until Next Time,

Your Life Analyst,

Chaitanya J.J.